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Thread: Fridays' Chuckle
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25-05-2007, 08:22 PM #1
Fridays' Chuckle
'Spose it may have been seen before but first time I've seen it and it made me smile anyway.
B & Q (DEPOT) JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. (allegedly!)
They hired him because he was so funny....
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy [--word removed--])
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.
Brian - Newton Abbot, Devon, UK
Retired March 2015
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25-05-2007, 08:42 PM #2
Re: Fridays' Chuckle
haha bryan good job application were do you get these things from???
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25-05-2007, 10:55 PM #3
Re: Fridays' Chuckle
hehe.. i like it. not seen that one before it certainly made me chuckle
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26-05-2007, 01:48 PM #4
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26-05-2007, 04:56 PM #5
Re: Fridays' Chuckle
he should have got the job for sure,proper chap.
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26-05-2007, 07:12 PM #6
Re: Fridays' Chuckle
To all forum members at my age, i can't wait to get to that stage in life and have a bloody good time.
i enjoyed that post cheers Brian.
regards
Lrac
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26-05-2007, 07:14 PM #7
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