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Thread: Marriage Rules
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02-05-2008, 08:50 PM #1
Marriage Rules
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
( SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections..
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
Brian - Newton Abbot, Devon, UK
Retired March 2015
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02-05-2008, 09:18 PM #2
Re: Marriage Rules
The wife came home just in time to catch the husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength borne of fury ,she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his ***** in a vice,she then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw.
The husband,terrified,screamed"STOP! STOP! You`re not going to cut it off are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye,said,"Nope,you are.I`m going to set the garage on fire!"
I think this ends in divorce.If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Damo
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02-05-2008, 09:23 PM #3
Re: Marriage Rules
ouch!!
Brian - Newton Abbot, Devon, UK
Retired March 2015
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02-05-2008, 10:17 PM #4
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02-05-2008, 11:51 PM #5
Re: Marriage Rules
A MAN IS STOOD IN LINE AT A BANK.
WHEN A ROBBER RUNS IN AND POINTS A GUN AT THE CASHIER.
UPON RECEIVING THE MONEY HE HAS DEMANDED.
HE THEN TURNS TO THE GUY IN FRONT OF HIM AND SAYS.
"DID YOU SEE ME?"
"YES" REPLIES THE MAN.
BANG THE ROBBER SHOOTS HIM DEAD.
THE MAN IS THEN ASKED "DID YOU SEE ME?"
TURNING AND POINTING TO THE WOMAN NEXT TO HIM! THE MAN REPLIES.
"NO BUT MY WIFE DID"
Grizzly
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03-05-2008, 12:11 AM #6
Re: Marriage Rules
Hi guys, laugh at this....
http://www.mediafire.com/?3whmng1ouj2
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03-05-2008, 12:28 AM #7
Re: Marriage Rules
Thats funny ECM,is there a ladies response song?
If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Damo
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03-05-2008, 09:48 AM #8
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