View Full Version : Bond, James Bond --
Paulajayne
01-12-2006, 01:46 PM
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
:cool:
Paula
jamcool
01-12-2006, 02:00 PM
A lady walks in a bar and there are no seats available except for one at a table that was occupied by a man,and she decides to take it.
He said,"Hello,my name is Jim Snow,what's yours?"
The woman replied,"June"
She goes to get a drink and Jim Snow sats there smiling.
When she returns he is still smiling.
"Why are you smiling at me like that" she asks.
Jim answers,"Well ,just imagine having 6 inches of Snow in June!":cool:
Jim answers,"Well ,just imagine having 6 inches of Snow in June!":cool:
Only six ???
:eek:
Argus
01-12-2006, 06:35 PM
Only six ???
:eek:
Must be an icicle.
.
come on guys dont offend me whats wrong in only having six, or are you using the wifes tape measure which you've informed her really means twelve.
Lrac
frank
01-12-2006, 07:43 PM
come on guys dont offend me whats wrong in only having six?
Lrac
Would that be Linear or Circumference :D
Would that be Linear or Circumference :D
I don't know i've lost my micrometer
Abby Normal
01-12-2006, 08:53 PM
John Bull was married to Wanda and he loved her so much he had her name tatooed on his tool.
Except when it was limp and shrivelled all you could read was "WA", but when at attention it would read WANDA.
So John takes Wanda on a vacation to the Caribbean, and they go to Jamaica. They are out to a restaurant and John has to use the washroom. There is only one urinal avaialble and next to it is a big Rasta mon with dreads.
By chance, John notices the Rasta has a big WA on his member. So he asks the Rasta if his wife is named Wanda.
The Rasta says "No mon why you ask?"
John went and explained the WA - WANDA.
The Rasta just smiled and said.
"Dis is for dee toursit girls who come to dee Island mon. When 'im 'ard, 'im say "WELCOME TO JAMAICA"
US Iceman
01-12-2006, 08:57 PM
Maybe the decimal place is wrong when you are doing your unit conversions. You might want to use millimeters as at least the number will be bigger!:D
Tycho
02-12-2006, 01:10 PM
John Bull was married to Wanda and he loved her so much he had her name tatooed on his tool.
Except when it was limp and shrivelled all you could read was "WA", but when at attention it would read WANDA.
So John takes Wanda on a vacation to the Caribbean, and they go to Jamaica. They are out to a restaurant and John has to use the washroom. There is only one urinal avaialble and next to it is a big Rasta mon with dreads.
By chance, John notices the Rasta has a big WA on his member. So he asks the Rasta if his wife is named Wanda.
The Rasta says "No mon why you ask?"
John went and explained the WA - WANDA.
The Rasta just smiled and said.
"Dis is for dee toursit girls who come to dee Island mon. When 'im 'ard, 'im say "WELCOME TO JAMAICA"
:D
heard a bit different version, the Girlfriends name was Wendy, the short was WY and the jamaicans read "welcome to Jamaica, this is your lucky day" :D
jamcool
02-12-2006, 07:10 PM
Last one sounds about right:) as you may or may not know Jamaica is a land of "wood and water":)
Jam
wood and water.......
excuse me, but Im not quick on the draw
jamcool
02-12-2006, 09:31 PM
I understand:) with age and all:) in this part of the world there are names for many things and a local name for the male private part is "wood" different strokes for different fokes:rolleyes:
Abby Normal
02-12-2006, 10:14 PM
Last one sounds about right:) as you may or may not know Jamaica is a land of "wood and water":)
Thought it was Big Bamboo
jamcool
03-12-2006, 03:09 AM
That too:) but did not want to confuse further:D Tell u what guys,COME VISIT JAMAICA and all will be explained well not all:eek: will leave it up to the local women to do the explaining on this one:cool:
frank
03-12-2006, 09:21 PM
Or the Welsh version : LUDO short for LLANDUDNO
chillin out
03-12-2006, 10:08 PM
Another Welsh version.....
Loch
Short for
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
http://llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.co.uk/
Chillin:) :)
Paulajayne
04-12-2006, 08:41 AM
How did a fun joke on James Bond's sexual prowess develope into a thread on the size and naming of penii? ( Is this the correct plural). LOL
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.
Paula
Abby Normal
04-12-2006, 01:53 PM
The other jokes are funnier
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.
Hi Paulajayne
Hate to admit it but your spot on
Lrac
How did a fun joke on James Bond's sexual prowess develope into a thread on the size and naming of penii? ( Is this the correct plural). LOL
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.
Paula
not the brain, brain works just fine
Blood not enough for Both Heart and Pe......s
Thats why the women get so mad.
Cos the P .... always wins, Rules
frank
04-12-2006, 09:42 PM
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.
Got to admit that I do feel rather faint every time I ........... :D
Brian_UK
04-12-2006, 10:53 PM
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.Yep, knew a man who was sooo well endowed that when he got sexually excited he'd pass out due to lack of blood.:rolleyes:
chillin out
04-12-2006, 11:25 PM
Got to admit that I do feel rather faint every time I ........... :D
That could be something to do with old age....LOL
Chillin:) :)
frank
05-12-2006, 08:30 PM
Can anyone name 3 fish beginning and ending in K?
I'll give you the first one - Killer Shark
Brian_UK
05-12-2006, 10:37 PM
Killer Haddock
and
Killer Pollack ;)
chillin out
05-12-2006, 10:51 PM
Kwiksave-HaddocK
And 'KilmarnocK' because that is a pla(i)ce in Scotland.
Chillin:) :)
Brian_UK
05-12-2006, 11:22 PM
"Time for bed" said Zebedee
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