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Thread: Bond, James Bond --
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01-12-2006, 01:46 PM #1
Bond, James Bond --
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
Paula
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01-12-2006, 02:00 PM #2
Re: Bond, James Bond --
A lady walks in a bar and there are no seats available except for one at a table that was occupied by a man,and she decides to take it.
He said,"Hello,my name is Jim Snow,what's yours?"
The woman replied,"June"
She goes to get a drink and Jim Snow sats there smiling.
When she returns he is still smiling.
"Why are you smiling at me like that" she asks.
Jim answers,"Well ,just imagine having 6 inches of Snow in June!"
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01-12-2006, 05:07 PM #3
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01-12-2006, 06:35 PM #4
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01-12-2006, 07:39 PM #5
Re: Bond, James Bond --
come on guys dont offend me whats wrong in only having six, or are you using the wifes tape measure which you've informed her really means twelve.
Lrac
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01-12-2006, 07:43 PM #6
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01-12-2006, 08:00 PM #7
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01-12-2006, 08:53 PM #8
Re: Bond, James Bond --
John Bull was married to Wanda and he loved her so much he had her name tatooed on his tool.
Except when it was limp and shrivelled all you could read was "WA", but when at attention it would read WANDA.
So John takes Wanda on a vacation to the Caribbean, and they go to Jamaica. They are out to a restaurant and John has to use the washroom. There is only one urinal avaialble and next to it is a big Rasta mon with dreads.
By chance, John notices the Rasta has a big WA on his member. So he asks the Rasta if his wife is named Wanda.
The Rasta says "No mon why you ask?"
John went and explained the WA - WANDA.
The Rasta just smiled and said.
"Dis is for dee toursit girls who come to dee Island mon. When 'im 'ard, 'im say "WELCOME TO JAMAICA"
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01-12-2006, 08:57 PM #9
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Maybe the decimal place is wrong when you are doing your unit conversions. You might want to use millimeters as at least the number will be bigger!
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02-12-2006, 07:10 PM #11
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Last one sounds about right as you may or may not know Jamaica is a land of "wood and water"
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02-12-2006, 09:00 PM #12
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Jam
wood and water.......
excuse me, but Im not quick on the draw
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02-12-2006, 09:31 PM #13
Re: Bond, James Bond --
I understand with age and all in this part of the world there are names for many things and a local name for the male private part is "wood" different strokes for different fokes
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02-12-2006, 10:14 PM #14
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03-12-2006, 03:09 AM #15
Re: Bond, James Bond --
That too but did not want to confuse further Tell u what guys,COME VISIT JAMAICA and all will be explained well not all will leave it up to the local women to do the explaining on this one
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03-12-2006, 09:21 PM #16
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Or the Welsh version : LUDO short for LLANDUDNO
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03-12-2006, 10:08 PM #17
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Another Welsh version.....
Loch
Short for
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
http://llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychw...ogogoch.co.uk/
ChillinIF AT FIRST YOU DON`T SUCCEED.
DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED!
and go get a cuppa
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04-12-2006, 08:41 AM #18
Re: Bond, James Bond --
How did a fun joke on James Bond's sexual prowess develope into a thread on the size and naming of penii? ( Is this the correct plural). LOL
It is so true that God gave men a brain and a p*nis , but not enought blood to run both at the same time.
Paula
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04-12-2006, 01:53 PM #19
Re: Bond, James Bond --
The other jokes are funnier
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04-12-2006, 02:38 PM #20
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04-12-2006, 03:21 PM #21
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04-12-2006, 09:42 PM #22
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04-12-2006, 10:53 PM #23
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04-12-2006, 11:25 PM #24
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05-12-2006, 08:30 PM #25
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Can anyone name 3 fish beginning and ending in K?
I'll give you the first one - Killer Shark
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05-12-2006, 10:37 PM #26
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Killer Haddock
and
Killer PollackBrian - Newton Abbot, Devon, UK
Retired March 2015
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05-12-2006, 10:51 PM #27
Re: Bond, James Bond --
Kwiksave-HaddocK
And 'KilmarnocK' because that is a pla(i)ce in Scotland.
ChillinIF AT FIRST YOU DON`T SUCCEED.
DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU TRIED!
and go get a cuppa
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05-12-2006, 11:22 PM #28
Re: Bond, James Bond --
"Time for bed" said Zebedee
Brian - Newton Abbot, Devon, UK
Retired March 2015