Humour for the Aviators out there

[Brian_UK]

Picked this up from a site mentioned by Iceman... they may be old to some of you but I enjoyed them.

"Squawks"
. . . are problem listings about the air plane that pilots generally leave for the maintenance crews. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the maintenance crew's response back.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Reply: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Reply: "IT DOES NOW!"

Problem: "Something loose in c-ckpit."
Reply: "Something tightened in c-ckpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Reply: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Reply: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 foot per minute descent."
Reply: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Reply: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Reply: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

[US Iceman]

I saw these and thought they were funny too. The comments reminded me of a story my grandfather told me once.

He started flying in biplanes back in the 1920's. One day when he was landing and had parked the aircraft. Someone asked where the cork stalks came from on the axle between the wheels.

His answer was, what corn stalks?

Hmmm, now how did those get there? I wonder?