Monday/Tuesday funny

[Brian_UK]

Well it made me chuckle...


Two guys from Solano County are quietly sitting in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana fishing and drinking beer?

Almost silently so as not to scare the fish Ron says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Gary continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

[LRAC]

Hi Brian

If you want a really good chuckle get out the Only fools and horses videos or dvd's, you can't beat the one liners. Just finished a weeks worth on UK Gold thought i'd end up in casualty with split sides.

Maybe not known by our american/european posters.

Regards
Lrac

[Brian_UK]

Plus the vision of Del Boy leaning back on the open bar counter, priceless !

[Abe]

I like the scene where that old sea horse gets a drink from the fridge , has a gulp and says..........That ginger wine is absolutely disgusting.....

It was Cassandras urine specimen keeping cool in the fridge

[LRAC]

Or the christmas special giving uncle a telling off over the maxwell house being poured over the dinner,with something like this,

"not only have you sank every ship you've sailed on, you've now gone and sank the gravy boat"

great topic
Lrac

[frank]

Tony Blair

A motorist, on his way home from work in Westminster, came to a dead halt in traffic. He thought to himself "Wow, the traffic seems much worse than usual"
After a while he noticed a policeman walking towards him between the lines of static traffic. He wound down his window and said "Excuse me, officer what`s the holdup?"
The constable replied "It`s the Prime Minister, Mr Tony Blair, sir. He`s depressed . He`s stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He is protesting that nobody believes his stories ; about why we went to war in Iraq, that there is no pension crisis and no worsening economy. He doesn`t understand why the public doesn`t believe that all stealth taxes are so necessary and that our education is first-class.
He`s screaming that the NHS is safe in his hands, that the immigration policies are working well, that he is not George Dubya`s lapdog, the proposed tax cuts will not help only his wealthy and titled cronies and that his recent chairmanship of the EU has only resulted in more power being handed to the French .......... so, we`re taking up a collection for him."

Thoughtfully, the motorist asked " How much have you collected so far?"

The officer replies " About forty gallons, sir, but a lot of people are still syphoning."

[Brian_UK]

FOTFLMAO - luverly jubbly

[LRAC]

Cute 5 year old Daisy sees a group of rough workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest & talks to the workers. The builders with hearts of gold adopt her as site mascot.

After a week they present her with a little pink hard hat matching gloves & even £2 in a wage packet." my goodness" says mummy smiling "will u be working there next week? i think so providing Jewsons deliver the ******* bricks.

Lrac

[Abe]

Now That's Efficient!

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast- talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

"Helllooooo"? (I told him). "It's been a year"

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....
He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the
guarantee they made me.

[Abe]

Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."