Retired......

[frank]

Banned from the Co-op


I retired from my job in the city a few months back and have been struggling to find an outlet to absorb my time, as well as getting myself from under my wife's feet.

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op. But Asda and Sainsburys aren't on to me yet....

[bill1983]

i think i'll try some of that harvest pale.
my wife keeps trying to ban me from this site but i tell her it's educational.
thanks frank

[Brian_UK]

You silly old fool

[chemi-cool]

You got me worried for a second.........

[Andy]

Banned from the Co-op


I retired from my job in the city a few months back and have been struggling to find an outlet to absorb my time, as well as getting myself from under my wife's feet.

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op. But Asda and Sainsburys aren't on to me yet....

Hi Frank

the tears are running down my cheeks
I tried to tell the story to my wife, but I was unable to stop laughing long enough.

She thinks I'm mad

Very very funny.

Kind Regards Andy

[desA]

ROFL... a lovely twist in the tail...

[Magoo]

Hi Frank.
Classic story at our age, some thing to look forward to. Bugger.

[old gas bottle]

nice one frank,time to wind people up now,luv it.

[fixit]

Hi Frank
So how did the Irish Setter fair out?

[frank]

Hi Frank
So how did the Irish Setter fair out?

Don't know.... when I woke up he wasn't there

Maybe the good woman from the checkout took him home

[fixit]

Yes Frank