joke of the day

[marc5180]

"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman,
walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I
was Italian?" demanded the Irishman indignantly. "Or, if I asked
for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a
Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?" "Or, if I asked you for
a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant said: "Well, no."
Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman
steps it up a gear.

"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was
French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?"

The assistant replied: "Because you're in f***ing Homebase"

[Grizzly]

Well I liked it. Probably because it's not PC. Although I do feel a little guilty as I have a few Irish friends. (And very nice people they are to!)
They do say that the only thick thing about an Irishman is his wallet!

Grizzly

[Ashley]

Well I liked it. Probably because it's not PC. Although I do feel a little guilty as I have a few Irish friends. (And very nice people they are to!)
They do say that the only thick thing about an Irishman is his wallet!

Grizzly

Hey Grizzly.. don't feel guilty. The Irish don't mind jokes about them... after all it is a part of our humor, and the nice this is we can laugh at the folks who think we take it all seriously.

Now.. all I am looking for is that wallet..... last time I can recall seeing it was a day b4 I got married.......

[kooler]

How about the guy that had a girlfriend with a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh - every time he put his ear up to this seashell he could smell the ocean...

[Springbok]

Nice one kooler,that is what you call a typical refrigeration engineers joke...

One day little red riding hood was strolling through the woods,on the way to grandma's house,when suddenly the big bad wolf jumps out from behind a bush and says: "Hey,little red riding hood,lift up your top so I can suck on your boobs!" To which she replies,lifting up her skirt:" No way,eat me,like the book says!"....

[Chunk]

A mathematician a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find out the volume.

the mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

the physicist filled a beaker with water,put the ball in the water,and measured the total displacement.

the engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red rubber ball table.

[The Viking]

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[Gary]

The priest was to be executed by Guillotine. His last request was to face upwards towards Heaven. Down came the blade and stopped halfway. Act of God yelled the crowd and the priest was released.

Next was the Engineer. Having witnessed the results of the priest's request, he also asked to be face upwards. He then looked up and yelled, "Hey, there's a loose bolt up there".

[Chunk]

memorandum

To all staff
06/03/08
Re:new sick leave policy.

It has been bought to my attention that the attendance record of this department is a disgrace to our gracious managing director,who at you own request has given you a job.Due to the lack of consideration for your job with so fine a company,as shown by such frequent absenteeism,it has become necessary to revise some of our policies.The following CHANGES are in effect as of today:

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statement as proof of illness as if you are able to go the doctor you are able to get to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENSE(for surgery)
We are no longer allowing this practice,we believe as long as you are an employee here,you will need everything you have,and should not consider having anything removed.
We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH(other than your own)
This is no excuse...there is nothing you can do for them,and we are sure that someone else with a lesser position can attend and do the arrangements.
However..if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon,we will gladly let you off one hour early,provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

DEATH(your own)
This will be accepted as an excuse only with this condition: you give us two weeks notice.We feel it is your duty to train someone else to fulfill your duties.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.